Over the past five years I have been seeing a Christian psychologist that I like very much. I have been seeing him every Monday. (I did stop going for a year in there, but I went back) It is an hour drive there to his office and another hour drive home, but the sessions have been very worth it.
I have been to many different psychologists & therapists over the past fifteen years but my current psychologist is the best psychologist that I have ever went to. #1 He is a Godly man…he prays with me at the end of each session, #2 He is very challenging to me a lot of the times, #3 He is a good listener and gives great feedback.
My psychologist diagnosed me as having Borderline Personality Disorder very shortly after i started my weekly sessions. I didn’t quite understand what it meant, and so he ordered me a CBT workbook on BPD. (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) He had me read it during the week and then we would go over it when I came back in to see him. I had to be honest and say…the first time we went through the book my head and my heart wasn’t really into it. I really wasn’t believing the whole BPD diagnosis.
It wasn’t until after I started really having a lot more issues about a year later did the diagnosis then really click for me. Here is what BPD Central says some people feel like who have BPD.
Following are hallmarks of borderline personality disorder:
Intense fear of abandonment, real or imaginary.
Having intense relationships with lots of conflict, and seeing the other person as “all-good” or “all bad.”
Feeling unsure about one’s identity; a lack of “personhood” or non-existence. Feeling empty.
Engaging in impulsive “pain management” behaviors, such as going on spending sprees, having promiscuous sex, driving recklessly, abusing drugs or alcohol, binge eating, breaking the law, threatening suicide or making attempts, and engaging in self-harm.
Being emotional unstable: frequent and fast mood changes; uncontrolled, intense anger and rage; and intense sadness and irritability.
Paranoia in very stressful situations; episodes of numbness or “zoning out” or “dissociation” (feeling numb or “zoned out”).
When things finally started to click, we went through the CBT workbook and two other books together. I have learned so much about myself and my disorder and what can cause me to overreact to certain situations, and whatnot it has been very eyeopening. I am still learning.
But, the extremely good thing through all of this over the past 6 months or so is, that I have improved so much that I am now able to starting seeing him twice a month…or every other week. I was very happy about that.
More updates hopefully tomorrow.