I think I try too hard …

“Don’t waste your life trying to be someone else. Remember that the original is always better than the copy.” 

I am pretty sure that I try too hard at so many things in my life. The ironic thing is I don’t think that I am intentionally trying too hard, but when I look back, I can see that I have been actually doing just that.

I try too hard to be a better person, to be a better Christian and I fail just about every single time. I have such high expectations for myself, and sometimes for other people as well. I don’t know why that I do. But these high expectations lead me to try too hard in areas of my life. I will set unrealistic goals for myself and attempt to achieve them. When I get part of the way there, and fail I get very upset with myself.

Sometimes I try so hard to help myself in becoming a better person through my difficulties with my mental health issues (Borderline Personality Disorder & Depression), but some days I feel stuck. Like I can’t move forward, but no matter how hard I try I can’t get my mind out of my mistakes and the things of my past. I just feel like it weighs me down and keeps pulling me back to this ‘stuck place.’ I have made a lot of progress over the past year, but there are some days, they just pull me down.

It seems in the days that I’m trying even harder …. that maybe I’m trying to be someone or something, that I am not.

When I don’t try as hard those days, when I just relax, and rest, and listen to some Christian music and spend time in prayer, then I usually feel so much better. The days when I am trying too hard are mostly when I am usually very stressed and when things are bothering me. Like today. (sigh)

I know that I am rambling a lot in this post, and I’m sorry.

“I try. I am trying. I was trying. I will try. I shall in the meantime try. I sometimes have tried. I shall still by that time be trying.” ~ Diane Glancy 

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