Making Female Friends…not so easy

The only way to have a friend, is to be a friend. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don’t know why, but for me…it’s never been easy to make female friends. Mainly in my early twenties, I would say is when it started becoming tough.

I had some major hurt done by teenage girls in middle & high school that left some really deep scars as far as trust goes in the friendship department. One group of so-called “friends” in middle school went so far to make up an awful rumor about me and spread it around school. It crushed my spirit so much that I went home that evening and attempted to kill myself. Luckily for me, my brother heard me crying in my room after I had taken two bottles of pills and called my mom.

In my twenties I had a few superficial friendships with ladies that seemed only interested in gossiping, or going to clubs. Both of which I was not interested in. When I let them know I didn’t want to do either of those things, they got upset and began talking about me to our other friends. Yes, very childish behavior. But I being a bit older at the time, and letting my guard down a little more had shared some personal info…so I was upset that these ladies had been gossiping about me, just because I didn’t want to do exactly like they did.

Don’t be afraid of being different, be afraid of being the same as everyone else.

So, by the time I hit my early 30’s we were living in Guam and I had made some more superficial friendships, but I also made a couple of friends there. Although I made what I consider to be friends…my inability to know just how to cultivate those female friendships and in part due to my Borderline Personality Disorder lead to those friendships dissolving.

Since we moved back from Guam, in 2000; over 17 years ago I can probably count on one hand how many female friends I have.

I am just not a trusting person. I have been hurt by ladies who I thought were my friends. So, I build up walls to keep people away, and I’ve done a very good job of it. Too good. Now I have no friends. I have acquaintances here in the town we have lived in for 12 years, but no real friends. I don’t have anyone I can just call up and talk to. No one I can just text …to see if they want to hang out. At our church we call a real close group of friends ‘3AM’ friends, those friends you could call at 3am if you needed to talk in the middle of the night, if you needed anything you could call your 3am friend. Well, I don’t have any friends, let any 3am friends.

Ever since the incident in Middle School where the group of so ‘called friends” made up the rumor about me, I’ve found it easier to talk to and be friends with guys. I never felt judged, looked down upon or that guys would be gossiping about me. (Well, not like girls were anyhow) I do know though it’s not a good idea for a married woman and a married man to be close friends.

This past week has brought this issue to the forefront of my mind because a man in our community that we go to church with just passed away. It feels like everyone in this town knew him and was friends with him. He was very involved in the community, and in our church. He was very highly thought of. The number of lives he reached for the Lord was incredible, and the number of lives he influenced was tremendous. It just made me stop and think, “Man, he sure had a lot of friends. A lot of people knew and loved him, and will truly miss him.”

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. ~Walter Winchell

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